A Realtors Christmas

This was a hoot and wanted to share with you.

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

(someone sent me this email and I had to post it)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business.? What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.? What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue "w" if you don’t start with some straight answers.? What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"………….

Friends come in all Sizes

I had been sent this email along time back and just saw it again so I thought I’d post for my Monday Pick me UP. it is on my other blog that I am not using as much. just click on the link below and it should take you there. Enjoy!

http://monmouthcounty.blogspot.com/2006/10/friends-come-in-all-sizes.html

Good Eating Chart

This was sent to me by email. Thought I’d share it with you.

apples

Protects your heart

prevents constipation

Blocks diarrhea

Improves lung capacity

Cushions joints

apricots

Combats cancer

Controls blood pressure

Saves your eyesight

Shields against Alzheimer’s

Slows aging process

artichokes

Aids digestion

Lowers cholesterol

Protects your heart

Stabilizes blood sugar

Guards against liver disease

avocados

Battles diabetes

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

bananas

Protects your heart

Quiets a cough

Strengthens bones

Controls blood pressure

Blocks diarrhea

beans

Prevents constipation

Helps hemorrhoids

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Stabilizes blood sugar

beets

Controls blood pressure

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones

Protects your heart

Aids weight loss

blueberries

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Stabilizes blood sugar

Boosts memory

Prevents constipation

broccoli

Strengthens bones

Saves eyesight

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

cabbage

Combats cancer

Prevents constipation

Promotes weight loss

Protects your heart

Helps hemorrhoids

cantaloupe

Saves eyesight

Controls blood pressure

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Supports immune system

carrots

Saves eyesight

Protects your heart

Prevents constipation

Combats cancer

Promotes weight loss

cauliflower

Protects against Prostate Cancer

Combats Breast Cancer

Strengthens bones

Banishes bruises

Guards against heart disease

cherries

Protects your heart

Combats Cancer

Ends insomnia

Slows aging process

Shields against Alzheimer’s

chestnuts

Promotes weight loss

Protects your heart

Lowers cholesterol

Combats Cancer

Controls blood pressure

chili peppers

Aids digestion

Soothes sore throat

Clears sinuses

Combats Cancer

Boosts immune system

figs

Promotes weight loss

Helps stops strokes

Lowers cholesterol

Combats Cancer

Controls blood pressure

fish

Protects your heart

Boosts memory

Protects your heart

Combats Cancer

Supports immune system

flax

Aids digestion

Battles diabetes

Protects your heart

Improves mental health

Boosts immune system

garlic

Lowers cholesterol

Controls blood pressure

Combats cancer

kills bacteria

Fights fungus

grapefruit

Protects against heart attacks

Promotes Weight loss

Helps stops strokes

Combats Prostate Cancer

Lowers cholesterol

grapes

saves eyesight

Conquers kidney stones

Combats cancer

Enhances blood flow

Protects your heart

green tea

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Helps stops strokes

Promotes Weight loss

Kills bacteria

honey

Heals wounds

Aids digestion

Guards against ulcers

Increases energy

Fights allergies

lemons

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

Stops scurvy

limes

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

Stops scurvy

mangoes

Combats cancer

Boosts memory

Regulates thyroid

aids digestion

Shields against Alzheimer’s

mushrooms

Controls blood pressure

Lowers cholesterol

Kills bacteria

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones

oats

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Battles diabetes

prevents constipation

Smoothes skin

olive oil

Protects your heart

Promotes Weight loss

Combats cancer

Battles diabetes

Smoothes skin

onions

Reduce risk of heart attack

Combats cancer

Kills bacteria

Lowers cholesterol

Fights fungus

oranges

Supports immune systems

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Straightens respiration

peaches

prevents constipation

Combats cancer

Helps stops strokes

aids digestion

Helps hemorrhoids

peanuts

Protects against heart disease

Promotes Weight loss

Combats Prostate Cancer

Lowers cholesterol

Aggravates
diverticulitis

pineapple

Strengthens bones

Relieves colds

Aids digestion

Dissolves warts

Blocks diarrhea

prunes

Slows aging process

prevents constipation

boosts memory

Lowers cholesterol

Protects against heart disease

rice

Protects your heart

Battles diabetes

Conquers kidney stones

Combats cancer

Helps stops strokes

strawberries

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

boosts memory

Calms stress

sweet potatoes

Saves your eyesight

Lifts mood

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones

tomatoes

Protects prostate

Combats cancer

Lowers cholesterol

Protects your heart

walnuts

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

boosts memory

Lifts mood

Protects against heart disease

water

Promotes Weight loss

Combats cancer

Conquers kidney stones

Smoothes skin

watermelon

Protects prostate

Promotes Weight loss

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

Controls blood pressure

wheat germ

Combats Colon Cancer

prevents constipation

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

improves digestion

wheat bran

Combats Colon Cancer

prevents constipation

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

improves digestion

yogurt

Guards against ulcers

Strengthens bones

Lowers cholesterol

Supports immune systems

Aids digestion


‘Twas the night before Christmas (politically correct)

‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck.

How to live in a world – that’s politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to Elves, Vertically Challenged they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole

Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,

Were replaced with 4 pigs, and that looked darned stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E. P. A.

|And people had started to ring for the cops

When they heard loud noises upon their rooftops.

Secondhand smoke from his pipe had workers all frightened.

His fur-trimmed red suit was judged `Unenlightened’.

And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the whole nation, Demanding millions of bucks for `just’ compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she’d enough of this life, Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he’d ne’er had a notion That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,

Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.

Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.

Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.

Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets, they were bad for the tooth.

Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

|And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,

Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football, someone could get hurt Besides, playing sports exposes kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passé And Nintendo would rot your poor brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,

But you’ve got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, Each group of people, every religion; Every ethnicity, every hue.

Everyone, everywhere-even you.

So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth.

May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on Earth.

received by email .

ATTITUDE

Just got this email today about attitiude and I thought I’d share it with you. it is a link to a movie that is very inspiring.

http://www.powerofattitudemovie.com/

I hope you enjoy as much as I did.

Just for Laughs

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so he sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . & even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!
Have a nice day!

Just a line….

Just a line to say I’m living

That I’m not among the dead

Though I’m getting more forgetful

And mixed up inside my head.

For sometimes I can not remember

When I stand at the foot of the stairs

If I must go up for something

Or I’ve just come down from there.

And before the fridge so often

My poor mind filled with doubt

Have I just put food away, or

Have I come to take some out?

And there’s times when it’s dark outside

And with my nightcap on my head

I don’t know if I’m retiring

Or just getting out of bed.

So it’s m y turn to write you

There’s no need in getting sore

I may think that I have written

And I don’t want to be a bore.

So, remember I do love you

And wish that you were here

But now it’s nearly mailing time

So I must say goodbye my dear.

There I stood beside the mailbox

With a face so very red

Instead of mailing you my letter

I have opened it instead.

Written to my mom12/8/88 for her birthday card

Get Happy!

I was intrigued when I ran across an article about "7 Ways to Make Yourself Happier in the Next Hour."  The author spent a year testing out the various theories of current scientific studies on happiness, and came up with seven points.  Each of them can help lift your mood and give you a sense of accomplishment.  I wanted to share them with you, so you can try them out for yourself.

    The idea is to try to do as many of them as you can in an hour.

    Boost your energy by getting up and moving around.  Taking a brisk ten-minute walk is best, because when you are moving faster, your metabolism speeds up and the activity is good for your focus and mood and helps you retain information.

    Reach out to friends.  Arrange a lunch date or send an email to someone you haven’t seen for a while.  Socializing boosts moods and having close bonds with others is one of the keys to happiness.

    Get an old task out of the way.  If you’ve been procrastinating about a chore, tackle it now.  Like making that doctor or dental appointment, or arranging to get broken equipment fixed.  You’ll feel a sense of relief and a burst of energy.

    Create a calmer environment.  Just clearing some space around you, or getting things in order will give you a sense of serenity.

    Plan some future fun.  Decide to get to that new movie, or order a book you’ve been wanting to read, or plan an activity with friends or family.  Having fun on a regular basis is necessary to happiness, and anticipation is a part of that.

    Do a good deed.  Something as simple as holding a door for someone or offering praise can help, because the adage "do good, feel good" really works.

    Act happy.  Smile! Just going through the motion of happiness lifts your spirits and makes you more approachable.

Why not give it a try! Get Happy!

What’s Your Mantra?

  What’s your mantra?  If you don’t have one, maybe you’d like to consider making up one of your own.  A mantra is just a word or a phrase that you repeat several times aloud or in your mind that helps bring a sense of calm and peace to you.  "Mantra" literally means "to free from the mind," and that’s what it does – repeating a mantra helps banish all those many anxious thoughts or stressful feelings we seem to acquire throughout the day and clears the mind.

    When you repeat a mantra, it has been shown to have a direct impact on the body and emotions.  In studies done of people who repeated their mantras daily, it was found that they had reduced their stress levels and anxiety and increased their sense of well-being.  So you could think of a mantra as your "comfort" words.

    While a mantra can be a prayer, like saying the "Hail Mary" used on a rosary or the "om-mani-padme-om" in Buddhism, a mantra can also be a personal motto, or a phrase that inspires you or that expresses something you believe in.  It could be something like "go with the flow," "all is well," "take it easy," or "love surrounds me."  It’s important that whatever you choose is something personal that has meaning for you.

    Saying your mantra daily could even help your heart.  According to a study in a British medical journal, when people recited their mantras, their breathing became more regular and synchronized with their heart rhythms.  This stable respiratory rate is beneficial for long-term heart health.

    You can say your mantra at any time throughout the day, for as long or short a time as you wish.  You can "think" your mantra while waiting somewhere or riding public transportation, or devote some time at home to say it aloud as a form of meditation when you can sit comfortably.

    So, why not give it a try?  Create your own little oasis of peace throughout the day, and you’ll be the better for it.

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